Rebirth Defect

Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I didn’t write this book to de-convert anyone. Honest. So, if you’re a devout Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Mormon, Catholic, Scientologist, or whatever, you just keep on doin’ what you’re doin’. No offense, but, as long as you’re a good person who doesn’t try to shove your beliefs down my throat or protest at military funerals, I really couldn’t give a rodent’s rectum about your spirituality. It’s none of my business. Go to church. Don’t eat pork. Worship Ganesh. Pray your rosary. Do…well, whatever the fuck those batshit crazy Scientologists do. Jump on couches and pretend you’re on Oprah? Whatever. If it keeps you from going on a multi-state killing spree armed with grenades and an Uzi, knock yourself out! For your information, I wrote this book, well, for your information. That’s it. Over the years I’ve been asked more and more how I went from being a Catholic to a teen atheist to a rabid Bible thumper (with a mullet!) to a (somewhat) mild-mannered atheist and I’ve always said, “It’s a really long story. I’ll write a book about it someday. I promise.” Now, after repeating this oath a bazillion or two times, frankly, I’m tired of stalling. So, instead of procrastinating more or becoming rude to (mostly) well-meaning folks who are just curious, here ya go. I done wrote a book about it. So if this book offends you, don’t launch a campaign to re-convert me. Don’t carpet bomb me with hellfire and brimstone e-mails. If you’re really pissed off, I’m so nice I’ll give you a list of names and home addresses of all the people who’ve pestered me for the story contained within these pages. So go bother THEM! It’s their fault this book exists, not mine! Incidentally, if you feel so inclined, you can pray for me. That’s cool. Whatever lights your altar candles, pardner. That’s none of my business either.