Self Defense Against Vampires

Take one stake. A clove of garlic. And this book. Then get ready for a vampire hunting adventure like no other... Holding out for that handsome young vampire to whisk you off to some far away exotic graveyard in the dead of night? Or perhaps you live in dread of the undead. Whatever your persuasion, this is the book to cater for all your vampire needs. This book will teach you everything you need to know: from vampire anatomy and physiology, to the early signs of vampirism and vampire slaying techniques. This book has it all and more. Written by a professional vampire hunter with aeons of active vampire slaying experience, and winner of countless prestigious international monster-killing awards, you can be sure you will be able to defend yourself and your loved ones from ending up as vampire drink dispensers. If you are a parent or teacher, you owe it to the children under your care to buy this book and read up on this extremely important subject before it is too late! Learn how to identify possible signs of vampire tendencies or infatuations in your teenagers, and know when to interfere accordingly. Here's what the experts are saying about this book: "Probably the single most important treatise on vampirism and the inherent threat it possesses written by any one author in over four centuries. Herr Kahn hits the nail on the head with his knowledgable approach to this most dangerous adversary." "The Vampire Eradication League of Vienna." "Practical, sincere and damned effective advice, I would hate to be a vampire knowing this book is out there! You can stake your life on it!" "Jonathan Harker Esq."