Please Remember

Please Remember began as a pregnancy diary - a light-hearted and frank account of lives of the developing baby and ballooning mother. From the vertical blue line in the doctor’s surgery, the story unfolds. Through the excitement, the stress and strain, the baby’s kicks, the clothes, the swollen ankles and the increasing anticipation of bringing a new life into the world. The big day arrived sooner than expected but without a shadow of doubt. Three gentle little cries from a beautiful baby boy were enough to comfort me after an emergency c-section. But three little cries weren’t enough to mean that he was okay. He wasn’t, and the delight soon turned to disbelief and despair as the severity of his sickness was uncovered. Enlarged liver, spleen and heart, enlarged ventricles in his brain and a very low blood count all meant that he was a very sick little boy. But he looked great. He was big, looked strong and would grasp my finger when I placed it in the palm of his hand. I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t make it. Four days later, in the quiet of the early morning, he slipped away into the unknown however. I curled up into a ball, emotionless, empty and heartbroken and lay looking at him. Shock and sadness reverberated through close family and friends but the rest of the world continued, unaware. The days and weeks passed but the heartache only deepened as the numbness of disbelief began to recede and the reality set in. The rest of the book follows me through the grieving process and my search for answers.